Losing My Appetite
Overall, things are still going relatively well, with the doctors, dietician, and staff saying that I'm doing well and looking quite good for where I am in the treatment - just starting week 5. They're encouraging me to "keep up the good work."
It doesn't always feel that way, as it's been a rough few days. One thing that's happened sooner and more rapidly than I expected is my loss of appetite. It seemed to go away over 2-3 days (Thu-Sat). It's a very strange feeling, not only for me, but for Aiday and my friends who would normally see me ordering enough for 1.5x people, finishing everything on my plate and then suggesting destinations for the second dinner. Now, I can sit at a meal with food in front of me and barely touch it. It may take me a whole half of World Cup football to finish a bowl of soup or scrambled eggs. I'm glad we went for the crab legs last week, as there's very little chance I can more than 3 right now.
The good news is that this should be temporary. Food and wine still appeal to me, but I just don't have a desire to eat or drink it. For example, I can watch shows about food or read about restaurants and get excited to try them. (Yes, I'm interested in the McDonald's fresh Quarter Pounder after seeing the ads.) Also, when I was out with friends at a pizza place, I could smell the order of garlic cheese bread with marinara sauce at the next table. I wanted to eat it, but knew that I couldn't. I could only eat a few spoonfuls soup before taking the rest of it home.
At least I can still smell and taste, to a certain extent. I can't completely trust them, however, so if something tastes a little different than how I remember it, I ask Aiday to try. She's now the judge of whether I don't taste it the same, or something is off.
For now and the next few weeks, it seems like my diet and eating habits are a cross between a baby and a senior citizen. The "average" is not how I was planning for my middle-aged diet! I need a push to finish my meager portions. Like a baby, I'm eating very small bite sizes of soft, pureed, bland foods, served at room temperature or colder. At least the food is making it into my mouth without much of a mess. Like someone much older, I'm trying not to lose too much weight by drinking calorie-rich shakes and supplements. The two that have been the most palatable so far are Benecalorie (330 calories, 7g protein in 1.5oz flavorless supplement) and Ensure Plus (350 calories, 13g protein in 8oz vanilla shake, on sale at Costco). I'm going to stay away from protein powders for now, as they don't provide enough calories for what I need.
It may be time to start drinking more Benecalorie-enhanced milkshakes and start reducing my homemade ice cream inventory. The herb garden is growing very nicely this year, so a mint milkshake is coming up my future, assuming it won't irritate me too much. We also made a pesto, which may go well with Aiday's handmade pasta.
Outwardly, my appearance is probably better than normal. I've lost a little more weight, and thankfully most of that seems to have come from my belly. I can almost make out the outlines of where a 6-pack might be, theoretically speaking. I'd be pretty happy if I could stay at this new weight post-treatment. While my strength and energy are a little down, my body hasn't atrophied (yet). I don't want it to drop much further, though.
Besides the goatee, the other sign that I'm undergoing treatment is the redness in my neck (I'll spare you the photo). It's becoming more itchy, so I'm doing my best not to make it any worse. My face is actually in pretty good shape, thanks to the Miaderm and Avene lotions. I should have put more of that on my neck before starting radiation.
Nearly real-time, as I'm working on this post in this photo
I think that's about it for this week, and I'm almost ready to leave the hospital after finishing up the fifth chemo infusion. Hopefully you don't think I've said too much or I haven't said enough.